Messy Monday Begins...

Messy Mondays are where it's at... Join the revolution HERE.
More info to come on how to submit your pictures and thoughts.

Beauty and the Mess

Recently a dear friend (and mama) rode in my car, but not first without my sincerest apologies for the state of the car, which looked something like this:

*The coffee cup in the back seat contains a banana peel. I discovered this when taking the photo... It's still in the car.

It's not like I thought she'd be offended, but I still felt compelled to hide the mess as I tossed trash and coffee cups into the backseat. She insisted it was fine, and in fact said something surprising. She told me it made her feel better. She had so far only seen the inside of my house which is kept, or appears to be kept in perfect order. One of my closest friends had never really seen my mess. This got me thinking...about mom blogs.

Every mom I know, including myself, reads mom blogs.
There are even celebrity mom bloggers. They write eloquently, post exquisite photographs, journal their Food-Network-worthy dishes, knit, crotchet, sew and paint, all while teaching their dozens of whimsical children at home...

And it is lovely.

It really, really is.

I don't mean to satirize mom blogs.

As an artist, I live to create beauty and to breathe it in and I am often inspired by these creative mamas.

Neither am I condemning the blogging mamas themselves.

I am one of them.

I'm no celebrity, but I have definitely projected, through my blog and through my posts, a picture of a beautiful life.
I am only suggesting that we think twice about the standard we create when we post only the good stuff. 

For example, another friend of mine posed a question about one mom blogger in particular, asking, "How do you think she does it all, and still has time to home school!?"

With my current season being full--with writing and music and school and a family--several friends have made the same comments to me: "How do you do it all?"

I can promise you this:

She doesn't.

I don't.

That "it all" you're so surprised we can do, is not the "it all" you imagine or that is displayed through a few well cropped photos and highlights from the week. We look with fascination at the mom who has it all together. She documents the meals she crafts, but not the dirt beneath the oven, she features the serene and never the chaos.

In turn, other mothers, regular mothers, tired mothers, new mothers, mothers with sick kids or stressful jobs or people like me who have a very, very low capacity for stress are left discontent, disheartened and wondering what mistake we must be making that our cups aren't overflowing with these lovely moments. What my cup overflows with is coffee...that I've stuck in the microwave 3786493 times because I'm freaking EXHAUSTED and I keep forgetting that it's in there.

Like I said, this is not a campaign against mommy blogs, and especially not a campaign against presenting lovely and beautiful things. I mean, I'm a big fan of loveliness: creativity, wooden toys and eyelet dresses, picnics in the sun and handmade goodness.
I think it's valuable open our eyes to beauty.

But it's also valuable to open our eyes to the mess...to acknowledge the mess...embrace the mess..to even blog the mess (Messy Mondays anyone?) and I'm going first:

I've decided to share with you 10 examples of blog life vs. real life. I hope you are inspired by both the beauty and the mess.
Keep in mind, the "mess" here isn't even close to the messiness that exists in my life, but just hasn't been caught on camera!

#1 - My Beautiful Home

Pristine, no? well this was taken when NO KIDS WERE HOME.

Would you like to see my front porch?

In case you were wondering, that is a rug from inside, a rained on sock and some pumpkins from October. I have no idea how long the rug or the sock have been there, but I'm sure my neighbors do and obviously the pumpkins are from...well...October... and they are moldy.

#2 - Homeschooling

This is a picture from that one year I home schooled...

...This is a picture of the girls at their public school. Post homeschool burn out.

#3 - Wooden Toys

Wooden abacus, wooden puzzle. The types of toys I long for my children to play with.

Plastic VW Bug from Goodwill and a Barbie from Walmart. The toys my kids actually play with.

#4 - Food:

One morning, I made a frittata and I posted a picture of it.

Every Saturday Sometimes, when I sleep until 9:30 in a little, the girls come into my room and ask for breakfast. Drool still fresh on the pillow and without opening my eyes, I manage to mumble, "Go ahead and get a snack out of the fridge...like a piece of bread." And they do. Sometimes they add jelly.
Not jelly I made myself. Not even organic.
Straight up grape jelly.

#5 - Costumes:

One year, I stayed up until 2am crafting this very sweet blog-inspired owl costume...that my daughter wore one time.

The next year, I bought a cheaply made yet overpriced and slightly scandalous Wonder Woman outfit off the internet and my daughter wore it 6 days in a row. 

#6 - Enriching Activities:

One day I made paint. It was cute, and my kids had so much fun!

A different day I stared at Facebook for hours!
As evidenced by this picture I found on the camera while preparing for this very post, my bored-out-of-her-mind child had resorted to playing with my camera without me even realizing it.
This happens more than finger-painting with cornstarch.

#7 - Homemade Clothing:

One Easter I made this dress out of old sheets. How very mom blogger of me!

I probably hand-make all of my children's clothes!

I didn't make this shirt... Er, or the bed, obviously.

#8 - Family Photo

This was one of our Christmas photos. Gosh I'm such a serene mother goddess in my flowing skirt and side bun.

This was me on Christmas. And most of the time, really. Not gonna say anything else about having posted this, other than yes, I realize it was a bold move.

#9 - Happy Children

Look at my kids during this forced impromptu moment!

They are like this all of the time!

No, actually this is what they're like most of the time.

The list could have been twice as long, with a picture for every situation...

For example, all of this healthy/organic/allergen free food that is also very expensive. 
So expensive in fact, we have to cut costs elsewhere--like replacing our broken refrigerator door pieces with duct tape.

(Hey, it works!)

But I want to leave you with this:

#10 - The Garden

The vegetable garden.
It is peaceful and lovely.
It is satisfying and nourishing.
It is blooming and it is plentiful.
 It is a summer garden.
 Other times, it looks like this:

Not so beautiful.

And guess what? This is what it looks like most of the year.

And this, my mama friends, is the lesson. Most of our lives are not fingerpaint and frittata.
Much of the time, our lives are rained on socks and old banana peels, tears and defeat, life held together with duct tape with glory and beauty sprinkled here and there.
Some don't even have the time for discontentedness--they have bigger troubles, like lack of housing or very ill children.

So yes, I am thankful for beauty.
I am also thankful for the mess.
For the moments not captured in a blog.
I'm thankful for the time my daughter told me she wished I wasn't her mom, because despite the hurt, I was able to hold her and let her cry it out, and model unconditional love and forgiveness...

Or that time I said something equally ridiculous ("You better clean your room with a cheerful spirit!") and I was able to model humility and repentance and my 5 year old heard "I'm sorry" straight from her mother's lips.
I'm thankful for this mess.
I'm thankful for the "winter garden" when the ground seems hard and cold, but important things are happening just beneath the surface.
I'm thankful for the "summer garden" when we bloom and laugh and when our cup overflows...

And, at the end of the day, by the grace of God, there is love, despite the beauty or the mess.

And for this I am grateful.

Oh, and this too. 

Behind the FAWM Series #14 - "Take What You Want"

The Grower of Trees, the gardener, the man born to farming, whose hands reach into the ground and sprout to him the soil is a divine drug. He enters into death yearly, and comes back rejoicing. He has seen the light lie down in the dung heap, and rise again in the corn. His thought passes along the row ends like a mole. What miraculous seed has he swallowed That the unending sentence of his love flows out of his mouth Like a vine clinging in the sunlight, and like water Descending in the dark? - The Man Born to Farming, by Wendell Berry

A few months ago, my sweet friends Katy, Sandra and Alice and I made a once in a lifetime pilgrimage to Port Royal Kentucky to meet one of our literary heroes, Mr. Wendell Berry.
Sandra blogged about it (beautifully) over at Art House America.

The five of us (Sandra, Alice, Flo, Katy and sweet Baby S) with Mr. Berry. Photo by Tanya Berry.

Since reading Berrry's work, and since becoming more informed about the effect of industrialization on the small farms, I have become, oh, let's say *slightly* passionate about the subjects of farm preservation and food justice.

I brought my girls to their/my first rally, to raise awareness about the issue of genetic modification and to protest the ban on labeling food that has been genetically modified.

The industry of farming with genetically modified seed is not only bad for our food, it's bad for our farmers. There are *ahem* certain agribusiness entities that are particularly aggressive, and this song was written with the farmer in mind who has been strong armed by the corporate giant and has no choice but to surrender, and ultimately, give up his livelihood.

I brought Mr. Berry a copy of this song, a song dedicated to all the farmers out there who are truly men "Born to Farming" and struggling to do so in this age of industry.

Take What You Want

Title suggested by Curtis.

Overalls and withered hands
A big straw hat and a leather tan
Growin' up out of the dark red mud
50 years of sweat and blood

They moved in close and they sowed machines
They wrote their name on every seed
They milked the ground till it was bone dry
And in a distant field you could hear him cry

Oh, take what you want
Oh, you take what you want

He kept on just like he'd always done
From the last of the stars to the last of the sun
They came rolling in like rain
That rots the fields and floods the plains

They pulled him up just like a wild weed
They called him liar and they called him thief
Hands in his pockets he walked away
They took it all and he took the blame
He said

Oh, take what you want
Oh, you take what you want

You can have my money
You can have my bread
You can even have the roof from over my head

I'll keep the stains in the cracks of my hands
I'll keep the smell of the dusty land
Take what you want
I'll have the peace that lets me sleep
Every year and memory
Take what you want

Full

I've been a little busy lately.
Did you know that musicians have other lives too?
Years ago, I didn't know.

By the time I was born, my musician parents had given up the road, and the "music life," and had regular lives (more or less) so other than the frequent late night jam sessions, my only exposure to the life of the musician was through their stories.

So, naturally, I romanticized their lives and imagined that all musicians (regular musicians, not uber-world-famous ones) just sat around all day long writing songs and playing shows.

Musicians don't do this.
At least a lot of the ones I know don't--many of them have other jobs, pursue other interests, record and produce other musicians and generally are creative in other elements, and amazing entrepreneurs.

Music has always been an integral part of my life, and I feel so thankful to be able to share that with you, and to write songs people listen to.

That said, I am learning that it doesn't have to be everything to be satisfying.
In fact, it's probably good that it's not.

This post is already getting longer than I had anticipated--and sometime I will post more, but for now, this is the long and short of it:

I am recording my 3rd record, and I am also back at school, full time, pursuing my English (creative writing emphasis) degree.

With little ones, music, school, etc., I have never felt busier--but I have also never felt so rich, or so full.

I am SO proud of the songs on the record, and having so much fun recording them (thanks to the Kickstarters out there!) and I am also stretching the not-so-creative part of my brain by working out math problems, refreshing my Spanish skills, brushing up on my world history and doing something else I love: writing, writing, writing.

It is hard work, but it is already so rewarding.
I have noticed a correlation between the logical part of my brain and the creative part, and that when I strengthen one, the other benefits. I'm excited to see how those two seemingly separate worlds continue to compliment each other. I get a thrill from writing an essay as much as I do from writing a song, and the first is one I have never sought any formal training for, before now.

Since I love connecting with my fans, and I love the dialog we have between us, I wanted to let you all know a little bit about what I've been up to lately.
Thanks for listening, and thanks for all of your support during Kickstarter and always!

A post to come later this afternoon with the story behind "Take What You Want."
Stay tuned!
-FP

Kickstarter Success!

Friends, YOU made this happen. The album is funded. Let the recording commence!

COMING SOON:

• Weekly blog behind the songs of FAWM (this week's will post tomorrow)
• Video updates of the recording progress
• Clues about the record and the musicians who will be part of it
• Kickstarter goodies and notes will begin to go out to all who have pledged!
  
• Short tour in California in October. Stay tuned!
  

Behind the FAWM Series #13 - "Bankrupt Heart"

*These blog posts are a peek into the stories behind each song I have written for the February Album Writing Month. There are 43 songs total, and TEN of these will be on my full length record. If you want to help fund the new record, there are only a few days left to pre-order through Kickstarter!

My friend Jeff is a songwriter.
As in, he gets paid to write songs.
(He is also a CRAZY talented pianist who travels the country playing for folks like this)
I called him to see if he'd do a co-write with me for FAWM and of course, he already had several song ideas and titles in mind so he let me have this one.

You may be thinking employment as a songwriter sounds like a pretty sweet...and easy career.
But after our session I quickly realized that writing a pop song is anything but easy.

Someone who is primarily a songwriter, writes material that most people will enjoy and relate to. Someone who is primarily an artist-- or at least, how *I* operate as an artist, is to take my own experiences, poems, etc. and craft them into songs.

People generally can still relate to my music because everyone's worldview and experience flavors the things they take in, but there is often a story or meaning to the song that they'll never know.

Of course there is crossover and every songwriter and artist is different, but the point is that it was HARD for me to set aside me, the "artist" and find my inner songwriter, writing a song that had a clear meaning, that a large population could relate to, but that wouldn't be too cheesy...or complicated.

So, hats off to songwriters.
Those songs on the radio took a lot more thought than you can imagine and I now have a much greater appreciation for pop music.

Bankrupt Heart

Suggested and co-written by Jeff Pardo

Can’t cash in and I can’t cash out
Can’t move on, can’t hold you now
I’ve been filled up and I’ve been bled dry
‘cause I can’t leave the past behind

Got a bankrupt heart
Got a bankrupt heart
Keep tryin to fix
What’s fallen apart
Got a bankrupt heart

Heard you’re happy being free
Wish I could say the same for me
But every time I meet someone knew
These chains keep pulling me back to you

CHORUS

I’m broke like I’ve never been
And I’m not owed anything
Stuck in the in between
Of what was and what could be

Can’t cash in and I can’t cash out
Want so bad to let go somehow

Behind the FAWM Series #12 - "Broken Things"

A couple of years ago, in the midst of a lot of heartache and grief all around me, I put up the following Facebook status update:

"I want to fix these broken things"

Friends children were dying of cancer, multiple friends were divorcing, and all over the world, people were hungry, fighting, suffering, and in some cases, all of the above.

The thought just came to me as I sat overwhelmed, wishing I had some tool, some answer, some way of changing a million impossible situations.
I want to fix these things.
I wish I could fix them.

At the time I wrote that status update I was asking for song titles and several of you suggested writing about that, and so, a song was born.

These Broken Things

Song title suggested by Anne-Marie Strohman, Lisa Zisa, and several others...

Here I stand on shattered dusty ground
Nails and plans, hammer in my hands
Falling down
Falling down
Pieces run through my fingers just like sand

Hungry without food to eat
I want to fix these broken things
Love that fades and tears that sting
I want to fix these things

Guns and wars and casualties
I want to fix these broken things
Love that fades and tears that sting
I want to fix these things

I want to fix these things

Far beyond the wreckage and the dust

Hope will come for every daughter, every son

Falling down

Falling down

Every tear will be wiped away by love

You take the dishes, I keep the ring

I want to fix these broken things

Love that fades and tears that sting
I want to fix these things

Every sob and every scream

I want to fix these broken things

Love that fades and tears that sting

I want to fix these things

I want to fix these things
Who can fix these things

Behind the FAWM Series #11 - "Let's Move to Stars Hollow"

Really, if you are not a Gilmore Girls fan...this may not be that funny.
It may not be that funny if you are a Gilmore Girls fan.
Who knows.

I do know, that there are a WHOLE lotta guys out there who are GG fans and my husband happens to be one of them.

We got through the entire show in about 2 months.
WE ARE ADDICTS.
And now, every fall I long to pack my things and move us to the crisp New England imaginary town of Stars Hollow.

This song is...well...just plain silly. I don't even know how I fit in all the lyrics of the bridge, and I think I actually gave up at one point and let it all sound crazy.

Ryan Miller, who is another FAWMer, friend, and GG fan, suggested this title.
So *I* suggested a co-write.

He and I worked feverishly on these awe inspiring lyrics.
Every line of the song means something GGish.

If only there was a way to work in how annoying Dean is.

The music itself is sort of a nod to Lane's quirky taste in underground indie rock.

Whelp, here goes:

Does anyone recognize the outro?
Favorite GG moment?
Have I lost any fans over this one? Wait. Don't answer that.






Let's Move to Stars Hollow
Suggested and co-written by Ryan Miller

Star crossed lovers lost and found

In the middle of a town

They made their home and stuck around

In Stars Hollow

Every Thursday night I'd start to dream

‘bout the paradise on my TV screen

That gazebo on the rolling green

Is so inviting

Take my hand

Where you lead I’ll follow

Take a chance

Let’s move to Stars Hollow

I don’t care where we go

Sores and boils alley

Constabulary road

It can be crusty bulge

As long as it’s Stars Hollow

(Chorus)

Summer, fall, winter spring

There’s a festival for each

Doose’s Market, Kim’s Antiques

Dance School, Weston’s Bakery

Troubador is strolling by

I hear him from the Dragonfly

Hometown diner, coffee, pie

They’ve even got 2 Lorelai’s

Luke and Taylor

Jackson, Sookie

Kirk, Michel, Babette, Miss Patty

Lane, Paul Anka, Lulu, Gypsy

Everybody’s talking fast

And everybody’s so damn WITTY!

Behind the FAWM Series #10 - "Slippery Slope"

*Just a heads up, posts from the "FAWM" series will now post on Tuesdays, Wednesdays and Thursdays.

The songwriting for this particular title was a bit of a deviation from my normal FAWM writing.
I might call it "externally inspired."

A lot of the other songs were written in the FAWM spirit of "going after inspiration with a club."
Sit down. Pick a title. Write a song. Done.

While I've spent a lot of time lately harping on that idea, we mustn't forget that at times, inspiration truly strikes--in places we aren't looking and at times we don't expect.

When I'm not writing for FAWM, there is a little more room for this kind of thing.
A lot of times an idea will appear, tiny as a sprout and eventually, for lack of better terms, it grows SO big, I feel like I have no other choice than to release it; as though there is a weight that exists until I write whatever it is that is in my heart.

In the case of this song, there were a lot of personal issues I was dealing with at the time that now in retrospect, I see were building and I was greatly in need of some release.

Almost all of my FAWM songs from 2010 were influenced by my having been in counseling at the time.

It was a very heavy year.
Going to counseling is not an easy thing, it is not a quick fix, and it is not very pretty.

Personally, I was dealing with 20 year old issues and although it was completely necessary, there is still a delicate balance in counseling between navigating those murky waters to come out on the other side and letting it overwhelm you and falling completely over the edge.

If you have ever been in therapy, you understand this completely, without me having to explain.

I came home after a concert late one night, feeling very inspired musically.
If I stay up too late, I can't sleep and I was sort of on a music high already and I sat down really excited to write a new FAWM song.

The music came fast, and then - I was actually a bit surprised that the lyrics came out the way they did.
It was as if they had been right there, growing in front of me, waiting to be picked.

And maybe that's what true inspiration means.
Maybe it doesn't always come externally, but internally, the fruits of a very full heart.

I wrote this song in about 20 minutes at 2:00 in the morning

Remember these are all rough garageband demos, but TEN of them will be made into a full length record, and you can STILL HELP!





Slippery Slope
Title submitted by Cheri Kozlowski

When I was a girl

I could tell you anything

And you would believe me

As long as you agreed

When I was a girl

When I was a girl

Playing hide and seek

You never found me

I never let you see

I can put one foot before the last

It’s a slippery slope

When you gotta go back

Easy to slide, when you’re digging through the past

It’s a slippery slope

Traveling back

When I was a girl

I knew everything

About winning and losing

And shrouding my tears

When I was a girl

When I was a girl

I lost everything

Now I’m puttin’ it back

Piece by piece by piece

Behind the FAWM Series #9 - "Your Side of the Bed"

The worst kind of argument is the one you don't even know you are in.

This is especially bad when you have to go to sleep next to the person you are arguing with.

..or, don't know you are arguing with.

Had I not just finished Mittens and Magnets when I read this title, it might have turned into a more lighthearted song.

However, I had just worked out all my cutesy, so "Your Side of the Bed" became a little more...complicated.

Just like the argument you don't know you're in.

Your Side of the Bed

Title suggested by Wendy Twit

Your side of the bed
Perfect indentation
Heavy from your frame
From the dreams inside your head

Lying next to me
A different expectation
A thousand miles away
From me, on the other side

I can’t close my eyes
You can’t see my side

You’ll sleep, keeping the peace
And I’ll be right here, ready to fight
You fall, you fall
Farther away from me
You’ll sleep keeping the peace
And I will wait here, ready to fight
You wait it out from your side

You fall
You fall
You fall
Farther and farther
You fall
You fall
Farther away from me

You’ll sleep, keeping the peace
And I’ll be right here, ready to fight
You fall, you fall
Farther away from me
You’ll sleep keeping the peace
And I will wait here, ready to fight
You wait it out

Your side of the bed
Different expectations
A thousand miles away
From me, on the other side

Behind the FAWM Series #8 - "The Princess and the Fox"

Around the time I was writing last February's album, my youngest daughter Amelie was having recurring nightmares about ... foxes.

"They chase me and bite my hands!" she would sob, pathetically, half asleep and terrified.

We began to pray with her before bed, that she would dream about lovely things.
Fairies! Rainbows! Princesses!
ANYTHING but foxes.

One night as I crept by her room, expecting to find her asleep, she was whisper-chanting to herself with her eyes tightly shut, "Princesses, princesses, PRINCESSES...NO foxes."
So sweet, so sad.

I posted something on Facebook about it, and as a result, got a song title suggestion out of it.

I wanted the result to be more than a cute kiddie song, but something that she could fall asleep to, and something that would dissolve her fears.

And to my surprise, it actually worked.

The night I played her the finished version was the first night in days she didn't have the nightmare.

She knows all the words and sings it so proudly.

For sweet Amelie:

The Princess and the Fox
Title suggested by Sarah Hamner

There was a princess fierce and brave
Big brown eyes and a pretty name
Hair that shimmered like a pot of gold

Every night when she closed her eyes
Her drowsy self got a big surprise
Sneaky little fox came scuttling into her dream

She said I am so fierce and brave
I am not scared of anything
So why must I be afraid
Of you, you, you, you, you

Was a fox wild and sly
Bushy tailed and shifty eyed
Fur as rusty red as the little pig’s house

Every night in his cozy den
The same ol’ nightmare will begin
A pretty princess chases him in his dream

He says I am so wild and sly
Tell me then, why can’t I hide
She pulls my tail and makes me cry
Oh why, why, why

She leaves her castle
He leaves his cozy den
They stop in the middle
And then…

Stare at each other they
Stare at each other they
Stare at each other they
Stare at each other
Till it gets really awkward and they both laugh and say
I am not afraid, anymore

Sometimes friendship can look odd
A picnic on the castle lawn
The princess and the fox sitting in the sun…

Behind the FAWM Series #7 - "Bisous de France"

*Part 7 of a series on February Album Writing Month. For info on the project, click here!

One of the dangers of the internet, is being able to become an "expert" on nearly anything in a very short amount of time.

This is how I became fluent in French! And wrote a song in French! In one afternoon!

Well...

I at least plugged some words into a translation tool and got some words back, and sort of put them together hoping they made an ounce of sense.
Or an "once" as we say in French.
No. Not once, the English word, ONCE, the French word.
The one I just got off of the internet translator.

This wound up being one of the most enjoyable to write.
I constructed the general theme and English version, and then studied my options for the French version, choosing the words very carefully.

It felt more like I was creating a little nugget of art, rather than writing a song and I think there was some sort of subconscious correlation there with the rich history of French art and the fact that the song would be in French.

So, with the title as inspiration, I set out to sculpt a beautiful song out of these lovely words.

And the words really are lovely-so much lovelier than ours that it made it easy to write.

Who among you speaks French?
(Let them remain silent and not criticize one once of this possibly grammatically incorrect song)

Just kidding. Share your thoughts!



Bisous de France
Title suggested by Gilles Fournat

Danser
Vous dans votre veste
J'ai dans ma robe de fleurs
Danser
Tout par la nuit
Donnez-moi des bisous

Marcher
Au-dessous des arbres
Un couvert seulement pour nous
Marcher
Quand nous sommes fatigue
Donnez-moi des bisous

Donne-moi ton bise
Donne-moi ton bise
Donne-moi ton bise
Donnez-moi des bisous

Dance, Dance
You in your jacket and
I in my dress full of flowers
Dance, Dance
All through the night
Give me your kiss

Walk, Walk
Under the trees
A canopy only for us
Walk, Walk
When we are tired
Give me your kiss

Give me your kiss
Give me your kiss
Give me your kiss

Behind The FAWM Series #6 - "White and Blue"

As I write this post, mid August, on the opposite side of the year as February Album Writing Month, it is hard to imagine that winter ever happened.

It has been a long, hot, humid southern summer (in my case), and the thought of snow seems miles and worlds and ages away.

But when I listen to this, I can remember the winter night it was written.

Snowed in and quiet, almost like time stood still.
Like the world packed it's bags and took a vacation to someplace warm, and left us here, together.

White and Blue

Title suggested by Martin Crumpton

Watching, waiting, time is frozen
As the snow begins to fall

Hold me, wrap me up
Surround me with your love
Inside this calm

And the world glows white and blue
In the warmth of me and you

Moonlit silence, on the outside
Everything is still and bright

Heart beats louder on the inside
Of my chest, your hand in mine

And the world glows white and blue
In the warmth of me and you

Hush now, hush now
Quietly the winds blow over
Us now, us now
Wordlessly this love takes over

Behind The Fawm Series #5 - "Ritual"

I wrote this during this past FAWM (February 2011) which happened to also be the beginning of Lent.

At first, I was worried it might seem blasphemous to put a romantic relationship in religious terms, but the more I wrote this more it made sense and personally, these two aspects of life hold a lot of parallels.

During the past year, our family sought a new church home and found one, in a traditional Anglican church.

I had always imagined that a church such as this would be dead and disconnected spiritually.

In fact, the opposite was true, and the ancient practices and the liturgy of the service brought peace and calm like honey to my soul.

The season of Lent made me particularly spiritually aware, and as it was Lent when I first read the word "Ritual," it brought to mind images of spiritual practice and liturgy.

Years ago, the word would have had a negative connotation.
Instead, the ritual of our Sundays, the order of our church worship service, the sacraments, the ancient practices, ALL of these things leave me joyous and refreshed in a way I never would have imagined.

Enter, the romantic relationship.
Our love is not grown by a new emotional experience, or maintained through grand adventures.
Our love is grown by our history, and is maintained by the choice we make every year, every week, every morning and every hour to stand by each other.

Sure, we like to have grand adventures, but the places we find the most joy, have been in the Ritual.

Waking up beside each other, drinking our coffee, holding hands...

And just like our Sundays, these moments together (while from the outside might seem rote and monotonous) are the moments we are filled with peace and calm and inexplicable joy, and this is the perspective from which I chose to write this song.

What do you think of "Ritual?"
(Either the song, it's presence in your life?)




Ritual
Title suggested by Gary Luparello

I could drink you wine
Every time
You look at me
I could wake up each morning
And feel the glory
Of your breath on me

You, you are my ritual
Your love, your love is a liturgy

I would turn all your pages
Read you for ages
That’s what I’d do
I want all of the seconds
Of all of minutes
Of every hour with you

You, you are my ritual
Your love, your love is a mystery

Take me into your arms
Over and over
Over and over

You, you are my ritual
Your love, your love is a liturgy
You, you are my ritual
Your love, your love is a mystery

Behind The Fawm Series #4 - "Pity Not the Armadillo"

Let it be known that I do not show favoritism with my friends when it comes to song title submissions.
That said, my friends know the sort of thing that I could never, ever resist.

Like a song about ARMADILLOS!

My fascination with these curious, armored little creatures, dates back over 20 years.
I think it actually may have begun with a postcard received from my best friend who was traveling through Texas.

Or, maybe she sent the postcard because of the obsession.
Now that I think about it, I don't quite remember.

Sometimes little children in Sunday school ask, "Who made God?" and the inevitable answer is, "God has always been."
So, I suppose, it is with my armadillo infatuation.

One afternoon, many years ago, my mom was driving a car full of tweens (myself included) to a birthday party.

We realized we had left the invitation at home (30 minutes away) containing all of the information, and so we hunted down the nearest payphone, threw in some quarters and crossed our fingers that our neighbor would be home and able to get the invitation from our house and relay the details of the party.

We all peeked out of the backseat as my mom looked as though she was stifling laughter and trying to get off the phone as quickly as possible.

Moments later, we were laughing too.
Our neighbor, had gotten inside and read off a small piece of paper he had found on our desk.

I wish I could have been the one listening, because I think it would have been really great to hear a grown man slowly read, "Armadillos ... are ... our ... friends?"

I was slightly mortified that he had read OUT loud, the silliness I had scrawled out (with a doodle of an armadillo no less) but even I had to admit it was funny and I will say I was at least as much amused as he was confused.

If he would have dug around further, he might have found the very first draft of an Armadillo single, circa 1993:

"There's a Texan armadillo on my pillow. On my pillow sits a Texan armadillo. He opens his eyes, and tells me lies. There's a Texan armadillo on my pillow."

Or, subsequently:

"Armadillos like to tango, armadillos like to dance, armadillos like to conga, armadillos like romance."

Now, I have no idea why an armadillo would be telling lies, or if one would even enjoy dancing of any nature, but the thought of this strange scaly critter doing such things pleased me immensely and every time I thought of one doing anything out of (armadillo) character I would burst out into fits of giggles.

This happened, mostly during class...with my best friend, of course.

Anyway, there you have it.
"Armadillo Appreciation 101" or at least, a short history of my love of them.

I wrote this to be fun, light, and comedic.
I find it surprising that it is one of THE most requested FAWM songs I have ever written, and I play it live a lot more than I ever intended.
(Zero, being the number of times I would have intended to play it live;)

Who likes this one?
Can anyone guess the other bizarre and more recent animal of my affections?

Pity Not the Armadillo

Title submitted by my friend, Ryan Miller

Pity not the armadillo
He gets around
Although he’s so slow
The people swerve ‘cause he’s in their lane
He’ll mosey on along the highway
He’ll get there soon enough

Pity not the armadillo
His calloused head
It needs no pillow
He’ll roll himself into a ball
He’ll close his eyes and then he’ll fall
Into a dusty Texas dream

Walk on, walk on, you armadillo
Walk on, walk down that road
Walk on, walk on, you armadillo

Pity not the armadillo
His brain is pea sized so he won’t know
That a rancher in a rover
Is about to run him over
He doesn’t think, he just goes

(CHORUS)

Pity not the armadillo
Let him be and let him burrow
May his armor be like steel
May the wind be at his heel
And may his anthills over flow

Behind The Fawm Series #3 - "Hearing Voices"

Half the battle of anything always winds up being in your head.

This was the case even for me, as I started this Kickstarter Campaign.
The idea of a)talking on a video and b)selling my product and c)ASKING PEOPLE FOR MONEY on that video, induced several (not so small) panic attacks.

What if this art isn't good? What if it isn't art at all? What if people don't like it? What if the campaign FAILS??

As I am still about 25% from reaching my goal, these thoughts still haunt me.

How fortunate am I, that it's these thoughts and not others...maybe thoughts you have had or have still.

Condemning thoughts, silencing thoughts.

"No one wants to hear you... Your life means nothing... You aren't loved."

These are more than whispers or naggings.
They are evil and false and they will swallow you whole...if you let them.

I wrote this one during FAWM 2011:



Hearing Voices
Title suggested by Anne-Marie Strohman

There is a quiet in between the two suns
The darkness becomes
A desolate road

Whisper and worry, fear and regret
Form silhouettes
And travel alone

Don't listen
Don't listen
Don't listen

They move in secret and they glide on the edge
Climb on the ledge
Surrounding your door

One by one they come and take up their post
An army of ghosts
You’re losing the war

Don't listen
Don't listen
Don't listen

Their aim is steady and they watch and they wait
Stalking their prey
Calling for you

You say you’re only hearing voices again
But you let them in
And they swallow you whole

1st Day of School

Last night, I had the good pleasure of opening for Derek Webb and Sandra McCracken at their "Living Room Concert" in Chattanooga.

It is amazing to be able to play with such remarkable musicians, but to be able to count them among my dearest friends is sweeter still.

Last night was a blast and after all was said (sung?) and done, it was well past 11pm before I got on the road and 1am when I was home and packing lunches for the girls' first day of school!

I was in bed at 2am and I was very much in mid-dream when the alarm went off at 6:30 this morning.

I was expecting to be a blubbery mess, since I was still slightly delirious, and I was dropping off not one, but TWO girls at school this morning!

Sera started 2nd grade and my littlest, my tiny baby that was just born ("Amelie Ashe, born in the Bath!" as we call her;) is somehow old enough for Kindergarten.

Everything went great, much better than expected, and none of us cried!

It felt natural this year, and the little school is lovely and warm and welcoming and Amelie already knew the ropes from watching Sera last year.

She also found out a friend is in her same class, and I felt much better walking out the door and seeing them sitting at the same table together.

Josh and I even got to grab coffee together this morning, which was the first date we had in almost a month. I think will be a nice "1st day of school" tradition.

Well, off to stick a chicken in the crock pot (ahem, not one of the pets) and then work on my new record while I have some morning moments alone.
Welcome, new season!

Forgive me for the poor quality of the photos, the setting on my camera was off, and I was in a rush to capture these sweet moments!

Walking.

Sisters!

Sera Sage was so excited to walk Amelie to class:)

Picking out her locker.

Little friends.

My sweet 2nd grader.

No tears this year! Success!